By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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