I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
