You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
