We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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