booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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