Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
