worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
