careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think your dad took our porno
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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