i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
