im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
