How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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