I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
