somebody snuck up and got me drunk
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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