I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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