I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
