he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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