I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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