Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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