There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
