Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
