I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
