i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
