I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
