I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
