i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
