how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
