so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
