I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Welp...herpes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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