Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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