I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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