Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
