My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
