so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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