There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
