my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
