You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
