The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
