She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
