break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
