I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
