remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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