I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
