I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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