I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
