my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
