Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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