she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
