I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
