in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
