I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
