I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's the barista slut.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
