my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she smelled like a LAN party
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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