We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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